Lud love me such conjecturing
Could drive a man insane
And I'm the one to set
This gossop quite to rest
The Pimpernel is me!

Indeed and I'm the queen of spain!

The Pimpernel is nothing
but a nosy pest!


No the vicar says the pimpernel's
A bishop in disguise
Who gives absoulution
Night and day!
Stuff and nonsense! Don't you know?
He's a maharajah from Bombay??


They say he has enormous feet!
And that he tends to overeat!
I've heard he's fussy with his food!
And eats his breakfest in the nude!
Is he robust?
Or very pale?
At least we know he's male!
Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel?


Me sister says his breath
Is sweeter than an Irish rose!
I'm sure I'd fall in love
If he would cross my path!
La, yes if you could overlook
The warts upon his nose!
And possibly persaude him
He should take a bath!
Rumor has it he's castillian!
And a reckless buckeneer!
And I hear he carries sev'ral....whips..
He's a sultan from Kabul-
With women at his fingertips!


They say he's nearly eight feet tall!
And yet quite graceful-
Folderal!
I'm told he waddles when he walks
And often twitches when he talks!
Is he a dolt?
He's very deep
Oh ,England's losing sleep!
Who is this blasted Pimpernel?


The butcher in the village
Claims he saw the man last week!
Galloping a camel cross the moor!
He's been seen!
Wearing full blakeney green
I've told you all before!


The fella's me!
It's George the third!
Perhaps a convict run amok?
This Pimpernel could be most any sod!
Bite your tounge
He is dashing and young!
The Pimpernel's a God!


And he'll find me!
And he'll wake me
And he'll take me
Down on a haystack
He'll face me
Then at last you could tell
If he's a hero or a monk
A fiddling nero or a drunk
Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel?


I'm sure he's flatulent and crass
Here, Here! The man's a horse's ass!
No,no! He is neighbourly and kind
But quite erotically inclined..
Whatever guise he may employ
He's England's pride and joy!
This plucky non-pareil
Is lucky bloody swell!
Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel?